David, Molly, Annika, Benson: Esther

4 month stats:

12 pounds

Our Esther girl is 4 1/2 months old. We just love her to pieces! She has a ready smile that brings joy and light to our home. She rolled over for the first time two nights ago at 2:30 am. Of course, I was the only one that saw it :) It was kind of sweet to witness this milestone in the quiet of the night.

Esther slept 7-9 hour stretches from 3 weeks old to 3 months old. It was wonderful. On a bad night, she goes to bed around 8:30, wakes up at 11:30, 2, 5:30 and is up at 7 for the day. She probably had 5 nights a week like that from 3-4 months. She is sleeping longer stretches most nights now. I started having her sleep on her tummy and that helped for a few nights. But, she doesn't seem to like sleeping on her tummy anymore. So, she is back in the rock 'n play. I have found that my attitude about exhaustion affects my happiness immensely. I have recently decided that it's not that bad to be up at night a lot with the kids. I'm going to be exhausted every day and that's ok. Heavenly Father is blessing me to still have the capacity to care for my kids and be a loving mother. Benson and Esther take a long nap pretty much every afternoon and they almost always overlap. So, I am able to lay down for at least 30 minutes most days. That is enough to get me through to the kids' bedtime. I am pretty drained by 8 pm though. I know that Esther will eventually sleep through the night. She is very content during the day.

We just can't get enough of her sweet smile and squeals. Benson loves to have Esther sit on his lap. Sometimes, I'm holding her when I go in to get him up from his nap. He usually wants her to come in his bed with him for a minute. He just holds her and talks in his sweet high pitch baby voice to her. It's precious and I feel so privileged to witness his unconditional love. Annika is a wonderful big sister too. She loves to bring toys to Esther and talk to her while she is in her bouncer or swing or on the floor. Annika is the best at getting Esther to laugh without tickling her. She just says nonsense things over and over again.

I had to wean Esther around 3 months. She and I passed thrush back and forth for 10 plus weeks. The ordeal was one of the most emotionally draining times of my life. I was so concerned for her because she wasn't gaining weight (either because it was uncomfortable for her to eat or because I wasn't producing enough or a combo of both of those things). From 1 to 2 months, she lost 4 or 5 ounces. I tried everything to get rid of thrush. I even pumped and dumped for a week. The thrush went away then, but it came back within a few days. I so wanted to breastfeed her because of the benefits and convenience of breastmilk. I remember thinking that she wouldn't need me anymore if I weaned her. I knew the thought was irrational. But, it was just how I felt. Around 3 months, Kathy called me and brought me to my breaking point. She basically said, "This baby is not a newborn anymore and she needs to be gaining weight. She needs some fat to draw on if she gets sick. You need to get a second opinion for a dr (Dr. Locke was her primary physician at the time and was not as concerned as she ought to have been. She was also terrible at returning calls and getting medications prescribed in a timely manner) or wean the child." I thanked her and got off the phone. I went to my room and cried and prayed. I finally felt at peace with weaning her. I know that Kathy was inspired to call me and say those things. I ordered formula and some cute pink bottles right away and actually began weaning her that night. I am so glad that I did. Esther started gaining weight right away. I weaned her over 2 1/2 weeks. It was nice to do it gradually and have the time to emotionally prepare for the end of nursing my sweet babe.

I am quite enjoying the world of bottle feeding these days. I am a counselor in YW right now, so it's convenient to be able to leave her with David on Wednesday nights. I am also able to do grocery shopping and not have to worry about the timing to get back and nurse her. It probably took a full month for me to be past mourning the end of nursing. I just focus on the positives of bottle feeding because it's how it has to be.

Esther loves to suck on anything. She loves her binky and her hand best. She has been sucking on her thumb a lot the last few days. It's definitely cute, but I hope that I don't have to break her of the binky and her thumb some day. She also loves when we sing to her. She loves the sound of running water (sink and shower). She is a great snuggler still. She doesn't like riding in the car for more than 5 minutes. She doesn't usually love baths. She loves going for walks. We haven't tried baby food with her yet. But she is starting to look at our food with hungry eyes. I'm planning to start solid food at 5 1/2 or 6 months. She is the babe of all babes and we love her so much!